Hairy situation gets out of hand for Snappers

By Rob Lucas
Sports writer

There's a growing problem in the Beloit Snappers' clubhouse.

No, it's not a team chemistry issue and in fact, it has nothing to do with the team's play on the field.

It has more to do with the look of a few players off the field.

For those of you who haven't been to a Snappers' game this year (and shame on you, it's always a good time at Pohlman Field), I'll tell you of the hairy situation.

All-Star closer Rob Delaney has a mustache. But not just any mustache; it's a thick, boisterous mustache straight out of Miami Vice that has many members of the Snappers' clubhouse up in arms.

“It looks like a walrus,” recently promoted Jeff Manship said.

“He looks like an old man,” added Brian Dinkelman.

Some had slightly stronger opinions on the matter.

“It's disgusting, there's not doubt about it,” Danny Valencia said. “It's gross. When he eats, food gets stuck in it. It's nasty.”

“I think he needs to trim it up a little bit,” Danny Berg said. “It's growing over his lip a little too much. It's starting to tuck into his mouth a little.”

But rather than letting his teammates bash his 'stache, I thought it was only fair to go to the source and see what started this fiasco.

“It's the only facial hair the Twins allow you to grow,” Delaney said. “It's either clean shaven or mustache. I started growing it as a joke, but I can't shave it. It's been too long. It's getting a lot of attention.”

Even pitching coach Steve Mintz threw in his two cents on Delaney's furry friend.

“It's an A-ball mustache,” Mintz said, who has quite the mustache himself. “He doesn't have a big league mustache like I do yet. He still has to work on that.”

Berg's assessment that Delaney needs a trimmer is spot on as he can often be seen in the bullpen chewing on the wayward hairs, waiting for his chance to pitch.

“He still has to learn how to trim that thing up,” said Mintz. “He just lets it grow out, but he's got to learn how to trim it so everything grows the same.”

Although some might be a bit put off by Delaney's lip filter, others have welcomed it as the 26th man on the roster.

“I think Rob Delaney's mustache just shows his character,” Steve Singleton said. “It's big, it's beefy, it's bold. It's not afraid to come in a close a game with the bases loaded, nobody out. It's intimidating. It's manly. It's baseball.”

Singleton is right. It is baseball. Throughout the years, there have been many great mustachioed men in the big leagues. Rollie Fingers' handlebars come to mind first, but other first-rate facial hair litters the big leagues. Former Twins' ace Jack Morris, Goose Gossage, and the recently deceased Rod Beck all come to mind as great pitchers with even better facial hair.

Although it may not have the notoriety of Fingers' mustache yet, most players feel that if anyone can pull of the fuzzy facewarmer, it's Delaney.

“I like it, it's brought us good luck so far,” Dinkelman said prior to his promotion to Fort Myers. “It seems like everywhere we go he gets a comment from a fan on it.

“It looks good on him. For some of the guys, not so much. He's got the best one by far.”

Other players have tried the mustache and achieved some success, including Allan de San Miguel and Matthew Fox. De San Miguel used it to break out of a cold streak at the dish while Fox is a perfect 5-0 this year.

“I was struggling and he told me that if I got a hit that game I had to grow it,” de San Miguel said. “I got a hit that game and a homer in my next game. I think I've got to keep it now.”

Dan Leatherman, a fellow bullpen mate, attempted a mustache, but was told by Delaney to cease and desist immediately.

“It's worked for him so far, but he doesn't like when other guys have mustaches better than him,” Leatherman said. “I already tried (to grow one) and he didn't like it. He made me shave it.”

“He's lying about that, he's just scared to grow one,” Delaney responded.

But one thing is for sure - the mustache is here as long as Rob Delaney is.

“It's going to stay for a while,” said Delaney. “It may have to go away when I go home, though.”